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Where thoughts are pinned like butterflies.


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The Reality of My Blog, or Lack There Of.
calamityjim
“I read your blog, and while I may not comment, just know that I do respect the effort and bravery that comes from laying it all out like this.”

I wanted to address this part of this comment publicly because I think it is really important for everyone to know something.

I’m not brave. What I’m doing isn’t brave. This is actually really easy.

I’m a stranger on the internet taking to strangers on the internet. No one here knows my real name. A couple may have guessed the city I live in, but since it’s a major city there are still tonnes of people that I could be. None of my family or friends know my screen name. I have multiple email accounts to keep my many internet lives separate.

Right now, as it stands, the worst possible thing that could happen out of this is that someone in the comments will say something mean. And even then, I’m very blunt, a little mean, and, on the internet, perfectly confident, so I’d just focus all of that on them. After I finished ranting about the depravity of humans and the lack of empathy in the world I’d actually enjoy trying to tear them apart.

I’m fully insulated from the consequences of having this blog because I’m clever and I recognize that the greatest problem clever people have is that we want witnesses.  But I have all of you, so I can hold back from telling the people I know in RL who could connect me to this about this. They know I have a secret blog and that is it.

So I’m not brave. And I’m not being humble. You may all recognize that I just do not do humble. Also, I’m a little manic today. Being humble is for punks! But seriously, I face no consequences from doing this.

Brave people are the people who go to schools and speak about this. Brave people are the ones who tell you these things in real life, where they can’t block you if you freak out. Brave people are the ones who walk through the street with this stuff written on their skin. Being brave is recognizing and choosing to accept danger. Here, there is no danger to recognize for me. This isn't brave. Which is okay.

Also, I’m totally doing this for me. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and make a record of where I have been mentally. It makes me feel better to take what is toxic and inside me and wash it off and let the good parts shine. And I feel good that I might help someone. I really hope I help someone. But I’m not actually going out of my way to do it. I also really dig comments because they make me feel all shiny and egotistical. I do find them very meaningful for a whole bunch of reasons, but I also don’t find a lack of comments soul crushing because I get that this is deeply personal stuff and other people may not feel comfortable talking hear about it.

That being said, as this is an easy, not actually brave thing to do, I totally recommend it. Mail.com is an awesome website where you can set up mail boxes for free with no previous email address, which means you don’t have to link your real accounts to your dummy account. You use that email to start your new account on a blog. You then blog. If you are worried about commenters, just disable comments. It’s like having an online journal, and because passwords are a thing you don’t have to worry about people finding it and connecting it to you. That way you can have your real account where you do the things with people you know or want to know. Then you have your account where no one will ever find you if you don’t tell them you are there.

The internet is an amazing thing and I really recommend that anyone who needs to talk stuff out to be as brave as me about it. It’s good times. ;)
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